I didn't write this. I do not know who did. But, I got it in my email yesterday, and felt rather inclined to post it here. I think it's funny. Some will like it, too. Others may dislike it. Hell, it may even make some of you angry. Hehehehehehe.........
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked-off here in New York, so we're leaving. New York will now
be its own country and we're taking all the Blue States with us.
In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, California, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the
Northeast.
We spoke to God, and s/he agrees this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody, especially to us in the new country of New York. In fact, God is
so excited about it, s/he's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST
next Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in
their states by then.
So, you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research
and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay (Okay, we have
to keep the Governor; we can live with that). We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Enron and WorldCom. We
get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama and
Mississippi. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, you and the red
states keep what's left over.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a
bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we
know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce 70% of the nation's
veggies? But heck, the only greens Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on
their Big Macs. Oh yes, another thing. Don't plan on serving California,
Washington or New York State wines at your state dinners. From now on, it's
imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.
Just so we're clear, the country of New York will be pro-choice and
anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue State citizens
returned from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask the evangelicals.
They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for
absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of
their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years, and we hope -
really hope - you find those missing WMDs soon. Seriously.
Sincerely,
New York